San Andreas (12A)

In the aftermath of a devastating earthquake in California a rescue-chopper pilot enlisted to save the lives of thousands, abandons his duties to save his family. A more appropriate movie title would have been ‘Negligent Hero’.

Minus the hookers it’s a real-life Grand Theft Auto as Dwayne Johnson, trying to prove that he’s more than just a meathead, steals cars, helicopters, planes and boats to save the day.

When the San Andreas fault triggers a magnitude 9 earthquake, helicopter pilot Ray (Dwayne Johnson) must navigate the destruction from Los Angeles to San Francisco to rescue his super-hot twenty something daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario) and estranged wife Emma (Carla Gugino).

But as he makes the dangerous journey across the state to save his love ones, things only get worse. En route he encounters an array of over-the-top obstacles. But from tornados to tsunamis, Ray’s somehow got it covered.

Meanwhile smug earthquake scientist Laurence Hayes (Paul Giamatti) goes around saying “I told you so” as San Francisco collapses due to the juddering and shuddering of the San Andreas fault. Without the traditional bad-guy politician or authority figure who has refused to heed warnings it doesn’t really add much to the storyline.

The result is a mishmash of a movie that is beyond ridiculous. It’s based on the idea that it could all really happen, but in reality it can’t.

The 3D adds nothing but nausea and Johnson as a real-life Action Man gets rather tiresome, non-more so than when he rips a car door straight. But why not? He is The Rock after all. He should just stick to the tried and tested action movies with minimal lines, and avoid the touchy feeling stuff to the professionals.

To sum up a man pulls a sicky, and as a result thousands die. But hey at least there’s plenty of shots of Daddario in tight tops running in slow-mo. Careful Brad Payton, Michael Bay will be after you for artistic copyright.

Oh well at least it wasnt as terrible as 2012. Man that sucked.

By Ruth Walker
★★☆☆☆

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